Fibromyalgia

[ShayB]

FYI -
My fibro began after an investigation at my long-term (12 years at that time) employment in the same office, wherein my director was found to be using company time, company facilities, company equipment, and company supplies to "do" her business' calling, typing, copying, holding of workshops, etc., along with putting time on her timecard as comp time when the times listed coincided with typing her business' items... long story short, I was her "right-hand person" and the let's call them "president" and "vice president" wanted her and me FIRED! I was immediately removed from my office and placed in another "department" twiddling my thumbs for 3 months while the investigation was held/completed. All in my work community heard about her and me being removed from our jobs and some sketchy details--so my carefully protected character/honor/etc. in my late 30s were drug through the mud for these 3 months. I began uncontrollably crying, became depressed, and began having various aches, pain, and other issues. After the 3 months, one day they told me to go back to my office. They never made it publicly known that I was innocent, but their assumption that I was guilty was made known...
Where am I today? They (the "president," "vice president," and "director") are all gone and I am still at the office--now 19 years with the "Center."
I am currently having many problems and have been through many meds...
I have all 18 touch points, pain just about everywhere--worse when rain/storms are coming, dizziness, blurred vision and glasses in a very short time after never needing them, constipation/diarrhea, very bad lower back spasms/pain--REQUIRING me sit for 5 minutes or it actually bends me over at the waist, very tender skin/hurts whenever anyone taps or barely touches me, extremely dry/bumpy skin/itchy/hives-type rash (if purse strap, file folders, grocery bag handles, etc., touch/rub my forearms), very dry skin on my face and legs, I can, it seems, feel every tiny bone on the tops of my feet hurting very often, very dry eyes--needing lubricating drops, extremely dry mouth (so much so that I have to continually keep ice/water/drink in my mouth)--dry mouth due to FMS and the meds--especially cymbalta, muscle twitching, fibrofog--very poor short-term memory and can't focus on a thought, extreme fatigue--sleeping disturbances per sleep study but not sleep apnea, urinary issues/incontinence, high anxiety, and extreme depression Also, before I broke down and had a hysterectomy my menstrual cramps were so bad that, with FMS pain, I barely had 1 week of actual "quality of life" each month I am not interested and can't bring myself to do things I always did--attend family gatherings, baby/bridal showers, fun things like scrapbooking, game/ladies nights, etc.
Well, I guess I just went on and on and on... but it's hard to explain just how bad it has been for me without all the detail. Oh yes, about 2 or so years ago I found I somehow had a hypoactive thyroid--needing synthroid. I am also currently on wellbutrin, lyrica, cymbalta, buspar, high blood pressure meds for edema, soma (muscle relaxer for lower back spasms), RX naproxyn/sodium, and aciphex (for reflux I had long before FMS. I've had my gall bladder out, the hysterectomy carpal tunnel sydrome surgery (right hand), recently left hand has been unbearable--FMS or CTS?, and foot surgery/plantar fascitis/bone spur...
It is almost unbearable having to get up and go to work every day--hurting, very fatigued, and all that stuff. I'll have 25 years in Aug 09 and would be able to early (federal) retire--but can't afford to... due to the major depression I missed the time frame for submitting a worker's comp claim--as the FMS was as a direct result of the investigation stress I underwent according to my PCP, and have no idea how to successfully claim disability--especially without thought clarity/memory/"umph."
Anyway, I'm not sure why I sat down, found this site, joined, and posted my first-ever post on any site since 2000 when my FMS began... I just did.
Comments, suggestions, etc., very welcome!
Thanks,
ShayB

[bevie]

Boy it sure saddens me to hear what you went thru..there are some out there that would say that kind of stress can't bring Fibro on...DAH...what kind of stress does it have to be, right?? The most important thing is for you to find a way to be able to retire early with funds that will help you survive. If it were me, there's no way I could work feeling the way you do...you must have great strength...Is there a chance that you would qualify for Disability of any kind??? Being with the Fed. Gov..are you eligible for SS??? I know my dad wasn't when he was with GSA...I guess what I'm suggesting is that you try every avenue at your disposal to see if there isn't some way of getting disability since you mentioned depression being part of your problem. God knows having gone thru all you did I'd be depressed too. Remember most of us living with Chronic Pain and all that represents we have depression issues as well. That was the first thing I listed when applying for disability....that and not being able to stand or sit for any length of time. I'm hoping you will find a way and know that I'll be thinking about you and praying for things to work out...Bevie

[ShayB]

Thank you for replying to my post.
How long have you been living with CFS? How is your depression currently? Did you succeed in the SSI claim?

My original post above didn't even speak to the previous (immediate) supervisor (from 1990-93) who was also removed from her position (as deputy director) for her authoritative management style wherein she caused all whom she supervised to feel as insiginificant, unliked, and unknowledgeable as possible. She was a very bitter woman who lost her ex-husband and son in a personal aircraft crash where the husband was piloting himself and their son. She was a very unhappy person and didn't want anyone else to be happy, doing all she could to ensure no one was happy.

It was while I was working under her supervision and a captain who supervised her as first-level supervisor and me as second-level supervisor. I was placed between the two of them, while he dictated documents to me as backup documentation to remove her and she, knowing this, often backed me into a corner attempting to get information from me, and not getting it, played psychological games with my mind, telling me all admin staff were complaining about me, then all division heads were complaining about me, etc., none of which was true. This went on for two years when she was finally to be receiving a removal letter one morning.

She had done many things, such as suing/threatening to sue people for next to nothing, pretending to be military officer and calling someone working on her car to threaten him, after which he went to her apartment one night and threw battery acid over her car from rear to front, causing the paint to peal off... and so on.

Anyway, the day she was to be given a letter of removal, I was so sure she'd come in with a gun that I made sure I was sitting with my left shoulder to the door to my office rather than facing it straight on so that if she shot me, she'd not shoot me in the heart/not make a fatal shot. My captain and I went through another year or so of answering to her legal claim of unlawful removal from her position.

I had a "normal" military supervisor after she left, but then got the supervisor from the investigation timeframe for four years until she was removed in 2000. This totaled ten years of a hellish, depressive time for me. My therapist told me anyone can put up with a year of extreme stress, but ten years was too much for anyone to bear, hence the onset of fibromyalgia...

During this ten years, I also underwent other stressful times like a miscarriage, hand surgery, foot surgery, family fights, etc.

I wouldn't mind continuing to work rather than retiring if I could work from 9 or 10 until 2 or 3 instead of 7:30-5, M-F--going in only after I feel awake enough and after I stop hurting each morning. I scare myself sometimes because I can't keep my eyes open when driving in to work. I even fell asleep at a heavy, major intersection driving a manual pickup and was first in line at the stop light. I only awoke after the truck behind me beeped his horn because I didn't start moving on the green light. I was so surprised my foot didn't fall off the brake and allow me to pull into the intersection at the time.

Well, I've again written a virtual book and I apologize for that! I guess it just helps to get some of this off my chest to someone who can relate.

I hope you are able to control some of the pain you are having to live with and that your quality of life is improving rather than degenerating.

Again, thank you for your reply!
ShayB

[bevie]

After all you went thru for so long it's no wonder you need to unload. I"m only glad I was able to be here to listen....I give you lots of credit for sticking to your guns (sorta speak) but you know things could have turned out quite differently if that woman decided to get rid of you...for good! I"m sure you thought about that too!
I have been trying some less conventional ways to decrease my pain. For the past 30 yrs my pain levels ranged from a 6 to an 8 daily...living on pain meds caused me to lose the job I loved for it hampered my ability to function...I was fired, but later realized it for the best...I was just so close to having a break down. My Rheumy had advised me to take a 4 mo leave of absence which would have allowed me to continue paying for my portion of the Insurance the Hosptial had, but when I approached my Supervisor with the notion of taking that time she quickly said it wouldn't be a good thing at the time...Sure I was fired just 3 weeks later...trumped up reasons...and too the fact that I was taking too many Percocets during the day...sooooo I was left without the option of collecting unemployment, and I couldn't afford the high price of COBRA which I did pay for 2 mos. Well over $1000. My husband had just gone thru Heart Surgery so his business wasn't doing well so we were forced to sell our home of 13 yrs...His business was there as well....Looking at the bigger picture, we sold for a great price, purchased a darling little Rancher nestled down in the middle of 5 acres of old trees...and he was able to find a shop to rent...things are tight, but I've sence received my Medicare and Disability so things are looking up...I believe when one door is closed God opens another...always!!!! I have no doubt about that. Being quiet enough to hear what He has in store is the hardest for many to do...I know it was for me too!
I pray for you dear that you are able to put all that happened to you behind you and start a new day of great prospects...good to have met you!!! Bevie